Fresh Starts At some point in our lives, we need to take a risk.  Instinctively, you likely know the one I’m talking about for you. THE risk.  It’s the one that opens you to the judgment or opinion of others, where we push through the fear and use our voice; when we walk away for the last time.  The one where we quit our jobs to pursue something less secure.

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I’ve done all of these things, for the record. But, this one is the scariest for me.  This one is the closest to my heart. It’s letting you see me. And what if you don’t like what you see, or worse, don’t care?

Here’s the great thing about turning forty: in your forties you stop making decisions based on what other people think; rather suddenly, your own opinion about your life and your choices is the one that matters most.

Forty makes you braver than you’ve ever been. It’s a refreshing blast of ice water in your face; it’s a swagger earned only through experience. It’s a fresh start.
Welcome, friend.

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Things You Learn From Being Raised By A Strong Mother Motherhood might be the hardest thing in the world.

I don’t have kids, but I do have a mother. And, I’ve seen the sacrifices, the regret and the love that goes with the role. So, to all the women I know that are giving their all even when they want to give up, this is for you. You are so strong. Strength doesn’t come in a one-size fits all package. Your strength isn’t the same as mine, or your mothers.

You know how weak and incompetent you feel? It’s not true. It will pass.  If no one ever says thank you, let me be the first: Thanks for showing up when all you want to do is give in. Thanks for sticking up for what is right even when it costs you.

Thanks for modelling friendship, self-love and empathy. Your strength is our salvation.

10 Things You Learn From Being Raised By A Strong Mother

1. You learn the value of independence. You don’t need a man to save you or anyone to take care of you, you learn by example that you are capable of living a full and happy life without having to share it with someone else. You learn that you can build a home, raise kids, cook, and do the dishes all while having a thriving career. You pretty much learn how to be super woman.

2. You learn the meaning of unconditional love. You saw your mom sacrifice her time, health and youth for you and your siblings, yet she never complained or gloated about how much she is suffering or how much she is doing. She always had a smile on her face and was happily giving more and more of herself. She taught you what selfless and unconditional love looks like, and you know you won’t be able to find that love anywhere else.

3. You learn how to love yourself. You learn how to walk away from the things that are not meant for you, you learn how to keep going even when the whole world is against you, and you learn how to believe in yourself when everyone is doubting you. You learn that bad grades, heart breaks and failures don’t define you; what defines you is how you bounce back from all the setbacks and how hard you fight for the life you want.

4. You learn that you can be both strong and soft. Strong mothers are usually very sensitive they just hide it better, but you saw your mom silently cry over your pain, or stay up all night taking care of you when you were sick, or the nights she couldn’t sleep because something was troubling you. The way she hugs you when you are down shows unmatched compassion and tenderness and sometimes in a quiet corner you saw her shed a few tears.

5. You learn that it’s not easy being a woman. You learn that your opinion will be discounted, that you will be taken lightly when you’re being serious, but you will also learn that you can stand out in a crowd and force everyone to listen to your voice and accept your ideas. You learn that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

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The Language of Forty

How do we talk about something if we don’t have the words?

This difficult question has presented itself to me before I’m half-way through my first coffee. I’m standing in my socks, staring at a wall of sharpie-covered sticky note chaos in my office. It’s an early winter morning.  I’m mentally willing the pastel cloud of research staring back at me to organize itself.

Language That Empowers

I’ve spent years investigating the topic of women turning forty from every possible angle. The notes are sorted into colour-coded categories that I’ve been digging into on the topic of women in their forties   – Neurology, Biology, Psychology, Sociology – with dozens of sub-headings mixed in. It had become a point of practicality. I needed a shorthand to describe what I was doing.

I took a sip of coffee, looked at all the headings, and mumbled, “Fortyology.”  

The Fear Whisper

Without exception, whenever the topic of my research came up, any woman over 35 and within earshot perked up, looked me straight in the eyes, and whisper-pleaded with me to publish my book before their fortieth birthday.

Turning forty was obviously on their minds, and despite a life that looked really good on Instagram, they were having a small (or in my case, large) freak-out. At the very least, they had some legitimate questions about life after forty.

Perhaps, it is because this is a truly complex time of life for women. It’s a time when we
are so much to so many in our lives, yet struggle with our own identity. Many women in their late 30s and early 40s feel profoundly unfulfilled, or disillusioned with the life they’ve built, irrespective of what it looks like on the outside.

It’s no wonder we lack a meaningful language to talk about this stage of life. Our words are borrowed from our younger selves, and more often from the media messages that we willingly and unwillingly absorb, and have for our entire lives.

The Age Gap

There is no lack of bite-size reading material on the subject of turning forty. Most of it social media clickbait, full of tired, patronizing advice, or lists of 40 Things To Do In Your 40s! Or, the truly gag-inducing Forty Is The New Twenty genre.

But, what I have found, despite research chops honed in national newsrooms, hundreds of conversations with scientists, psychologists, women (and men) of all ages and countless magazine articles and research papers is this:  a common language to describe the era of your forties does not exist.

In fact, serious study of women between the ages of 36-50 is hard to come by.  For decades, if not millennia, women in this age bracket have been dismissed as less than noteworthy in scientific terms, except for very specific exceptions, such as fertility.

But, finally there are signs of change in that gross overgeneralization.Research in the fields of biology, psychology, neurology,  is opening new conversations and revealing valuable data.

To Have A Voice, You Need A Language

Which brings me to the name of our new language, and blog – Fortyology.  

Forty, refers  to the age bracket between 40-49, and ‘ology’ is the study of.

Yep, that’s me. World’s first Fortyologist.

Fortyology  is the umbrella under which we will explore data, stories,  sage advice and culture of being forty(ish)  in a Boomer – Millennial world.

I’ve spent several years researching Fortyology from a place of passion, science journalism, self-interest and above all, the desire to share this with you. It’s no coincidence that I’ve also been embedded in the world of my forties and have learned much from my own experiences, research and wisdom from those who have come before.

I can’t wait to share this language and the world of Fortyology with you, and for all of us to expand our vocabulary.

Leave a comment, or send an email to share your thoughts on the language of forty.

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